Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
