This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
