how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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