You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
