I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
