That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
