I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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