...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
