I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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