I want to stick my p in your. b.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
