Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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