Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
