if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
