we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
