so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
