I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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