He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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