Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
