I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
