I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
All I want is dick and wine.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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