Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
