I wish I only lived at night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
