They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
