I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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