He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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