And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
