Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
