I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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