i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
