i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
