if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
