Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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