Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Randomize
