and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
