I'd wear matching sweaters with you
another moral hangover. fuck.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I did not marry a roomba.
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