Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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