Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
