Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
