If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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