im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
