she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
