why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
send nudes
from the living room?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
