I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
