i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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