Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
