I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
