we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
