i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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