How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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