brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
