I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
