i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
