That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
