this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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