I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
