I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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