my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
